


The flaws in Sirius Black

by WolfInAStar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Manipulation, Multi, Nightmares, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Scars, Sectumsempra, Self-Harm, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black as Padfoot, Sirius Black must be protected, Smoking, Trauma, Werewolf Remus Lupin, use of unforgivables, weight loss, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfInAStar/pseuds/WolfInAStar
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marauders & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, wolfstar - Relationship
Kudos: 20





	The flaws in Sirius Black

_-“Crucio!”-_

_Fifteen-year old Sirius fell to the ground, right in front of his brother Regulus._  
_Regulus was sobbing but didn’t help Sirius._

_Sirius was in a incredible amount of pain, but no sound left from his mouth. He wasn’t going to give Walburga the satisfaction to see him suffer._

_He smirked despite the pain._  
_-“Is that the best you’ve got?”- he taunted._

_Walburga’s expression changed from pleased to enraged and it gave Sirius a huge amount of satisfaction._

_The pain stopped for a moment and Sirius was thankful. His relief, however, didn’t last long because Walburga casted another spell that Sirius didn’t recognise and Sirius felt it on his back._

_Slash. Slash. Slash._

_Sirius couldn’t help but gasp. Walburga left a please sound and crouched to grab Sirius’ chin harshly._

_-“Watch me when I talk to you, boy. Now, Regulus won’t heal those unless you behave so I will only ask you once. Where. Is. It? WHERE IS IT!?”-_

_Sirius smiled mischievously. He could feel the blood dripping down his mouth._

_-“I thought you were going to ask only once.”- Sirius said innocently._

_-“SIRIUS!”-_

Sirius woke up.  
James was staring at him, concerned.

-“Oh, thank Merlin! I thought..I almost..”- James mumbled. James wanted to hug Sirius so badly but he knew how Sirius felt about contact.

He didn’t like to be touched. _At all_.

-“Nightmare. Sorry, Prongs.”- Sirius sighed, burying his hands on his face.

-“It’s fine, Padfoot. Alright?”- Sirius nodded distractedly.

**~•~**

Remus knew that something was up with Sirius. All of the Marauders knew about Sirius’ problem with contact but no one knew why or how the problem had started, and even though James wasn’t quite touching him, he stuck to Sirius like glue. He sat closer to Sirius at breakfast, quietly urging him to eat. Sirius didn’t touch his plate and instead engaged in a conversation about the latest Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw.

James sat closer than usual to Sirius in classes as well, taking notes for him when the latter spaced out, both of them so awfully quiet that not even McGonagall could believe it.

-“Pads?”- Remus called. It was Friday afternoon. James had Quidditch practice, Peter was in detention for a prank he did in the prefect’s bathroom, and Sirius was sitting underneath a tree with his eyes closed. _Finally alone._

Sirius opened his eyes and smiled at Remus.

-“Moony!”- Remus sat down beside him.

-“Pads are you...are you alright?”- Remus asked. Sirius stiffened visibly for a moment, as if the question had caught him off guard, but he quickly snapped out of it and smiled wider at Remus.

-“Why wouldn’t I be?”-

**~•~**

Sirius was tired.  
Fuck, he was exhausted.  
His nightmares were getting worse and he couldn’t do anything about it.  
He wanted nothing more than to actually rest but it was impossible. Every time he closed his eyes, Walburga was waiting for him.

She was waiting to insult him. To hex him. To manipulate him and emotionally abuse him.

Before he knew it, he was panicking. He tried to grab his wand to cast a Muffliato but he was shaking too much and couldn’t focus. He couldn’t breathe.

The curtains opened revealing a very worried Remus, who casted the silencing spell and sat in Sirius’ bed.

-“Sirius, I need you to breathe with me, okay?”- Remus was worried, that much Sirius knew. His tone, however, was soft and soothing.

They breathed together until Sirius felt like he could breathe again. He was still crying but the shaking had stopped.

Remus didn’t ask any questions, he simply stayed there with him until Sirius fell asleep while crying. Sirius was grateful.

**~•~**

This unspoken arrangement kept going for months. Sometimes Sirius would come to Remus’ bed, and sometimes Remus would come to his.  
They never touched each other or spoke about it afterwards. When the mornings came, they both would act as if nothing had happened.  
As if Sirius wasn’t falling apart before Remus’ eyes.

Sirius barged into the hospital wing with a chocolate bar on his left hand. It was the day after the full moon and the classes had ended a while ago.

Madam Pomfrey tried to give him a look of disapproval but ended up smiling at the boy in front of her.

-“May I?”- He asked rather shyly, considering the entrance he had just made.

-“You’re here, aren’t you?”- Sirius’ eyes lit up,  
-“Ten minutes, Black!”-

-“Poppy, you’re amazing!”-

Sirius went to Remus’ bed. When Remus saw him, he blushed and hid his face underneath the covers.

-“Moooooony!”- Sirius whined.

-“What are you doing here?”- Remus asked, his voice being muffled by the covers.

-“I bring you chocolate and you’re hiding from me?”- Sirius scoffed.

-“I don’t want _you_ to see _me_.”- Remus admitted.

Sirius set the chocolate in a table beside Remus’ bed and sat at the edge of the bed, crossing his left leg on top of his right one.

-“Moony, what’s wrong?”- Sirius asked him when Remus went quiet for too long.

Remus sighed tiredly.

-“I...I got new scars yesterday. I’m a..a monster.”- Remus sobbed underneath the covers. Sirius moved closer to Remus.

-“Remus, could you please look at me?”- Sirius asked softly. Remus was taken aback for a second, because Sirius rarely called him by his name.

Sighing, Remus dropped the covers and showed his flushed face to Sirius. A big scar adorned his freckled face, starting at the top of his right eyebrow and ending right at the left side of his jaw.

To Remus’ surprise though, Sirius didn’t flinched. In fact, his expression didn’t changed. He unbuttoned his right sleeve and rolled it up, revealing the faint scars on his wrist.

Remus choked.

-“I did these to myself, you see. Your scars do NOT make you a monster. The way I see it, you just won another battle, and I think that’s beautiful.”- Sirius shrugged, buttoning his sleeve again.

-“Sirius..”- Remus whispered in between his sobs. Then, Sirius did the most unexpected thing ever:

He gently grabbed Remus’ face with extreme care, earning a soft gasp from Remus.

He caressed Remus’ left cheek with his thumb, making sure not to touch the fresh cut that was still healing.

-“You’re not a monster, Remus. You never were and you never will be. You’re our Moony.”-

**~•~**

A barrier broke after that day.

James was so shocked when Sirius patted his shoulder after winning a Quidditch match against Slytherin that he started crying, expressing how much he appreciated Sirius.

Peter choked on his pumpkin juice when Sirius gently ruffled his hair at breakfast, congratulating him for his good grade in Herbology.

But the way he touched Remus was different. It was premeditated, gentler, more careful. And he definitely touched him more.  
Sirius had decided that despite his trauma, he needed to show Remus how special he was.  
And Sirius Orion Black was anything but a quitter.

He tried hard to let Remus know how loved he was. Gentle knee touches at breakfast, playing with his hair in the library, resting his hand on Remus’ arm, all of that.

It was a huge improvement for Sirius, all things considered.

Slowly but surely, Sirius was turning back to normal.

**~•~**

The holidays came and James Potter was at home sitting by the fire place. Fleamont was telling him tales about magical creatures when someone flooed in.

James gasped when he saw Sirius laying on the ground unconsciously and covered in blood.

-“I know you don’t wanna talk about it, but we need to.”- James told him the next day, when Euphemia had healed Sirius enough and Sirius was well rested.

Sirius sighed.

-“M-my family..”- he squeezed his eyes shut,  
-“It’s not a big deal, really. My family’s just full of shit. Mother likes to practice dark spells on me; Crucio is her personal favourite.”- Sirius shrugged nonchalantly.

-“THEY WHAT!?”- James had gone red.

-“It really is no big deal, Prongs. You know me, I’m always causing trouble. I like to make her angry.”- Sirius commented offhandedly.

-“THAT’S NO EXCUSE!”- James shouted.

-“James..”- Sirius warned. James looked down, suddenly shaking. Sirius thought he was angry, but when James looked up again, he was crying.

-“You’re not going back there.”- James said decisively.

-“Prongs..”- James shook his head.

-“You’re my brother. You’re not going back.”- James stated firmly. Sirius’ heart swelled with affection, so before his mind could betray his intentions, he hugged James Potter. _His brother._

-“Thank you.”-

**~•~**

Exceptionally good students were invited to the Slugclub. The Marauders were there, of course. Remus and Peter had always been excellent students. Remus being a bit more disciplined than Peter.

James wasn’t causing as much trouble as he did before and Sirius had started to (very slowly) follow his example. Since unofficially adopting Sirius into his family, James had changed drastically.  
Fleamont had told him that he was now Sirius’ example and that had hit James hard.

So he started pranking less and studying more. Being kinder and not so arrogant.

Sirius told him that he had officially become boring because of his crush on Evans, but he secretly admired him. He didn’t know that the reason why James had changed was not Evans but Sirius himself.

So there they were, at Slughorn’s party casting Patronuses.  
Sirius was extremely bored. He could cast a Patronus without problem and the others could too. They were planning on how to escape the damned thing when gasps broke their hushed conversation.

James, being curious as ever, saw it first. It was a beautiful dog that looked exactly like Sirius’ animagus form.

-“Pads.”- He mumbled. Sirius took a glance and saw the corporeal Patronus returning to its owner. A proud Regulus stood at the center of the small crowd that was now applauding him.

-“Excellent, young Black!”- Slughorn congratulated. Regulus dared to glance at Sirius. Sirius was frozen on his spot. Regulus smiled somewhat shyly and Sirius couldn’t bear it. So he ran off.

The Maurauders divided to search for Sirius. The map wasn’t done yet, so they had to trace him normally and it took ages to find him.

It was Remus who found Sirius.  
Sirius was in the Astronomy Tower, watching the sky.

-“Sirius.”-

Sirius turned and gave Remus a sad smile. His smile soon turn into tears and then into loud sobs. He ran to Remus, who extended his arms and Sirius hugged him, holding onto Remus as if Remus was his anchor.

Remus held him tight and didn’t let go.

**~•~**

Sirius Black always seemed to be changing.  
It seemed that he took one step forward and two steps backwards. He had received a Howler that morning and had hid it quickly before anyone could see it.

James, Remus, and Peter had been searching for him all day because Sirius had ditched all of his classes. Sirius was smoking near the Forbidden Forest.

-“Where the hell have you been and what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”- James asked furiously.

-“Give me a break, Prongs.”- Sirius mumbled offhandedly, rolling his eyes.

-“Do you have any idea of how worried we were!? Where on earth did you even get that?”- Sirius shrugged.

-“What’s going on, Sirius? Talk to me.”- James said, softer this time. Sirius stared at him and sighed tiredly.

-“It’s fine, let’s go back.”- He said, finishing his cigarette before tossing it to the ground.

-“Black.”-

-“Potter.”-

-“Sirius!”- James yelled exasperatedly. Sirius sat on the ground and patted beside him, an invitation for James to sit down.

-“I received a Howler.”- He revealed.

-“What? When?”- James asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

-“This morning, I hid before anyone could see it.”-

-“So...what did it say?”- James asked carefully.

-“I got disowned.”-

Suddenly, James understood.

**~•~**

His relationship with Sirius always seemed to be changing and Remus couldn’t keep up.

James had returned with Sirius by dawn.

-“No questions about what happened.”- James had told them in his best “Euphemia tone”. They all had gone to sleep but Remus woke up when he felt someone crawling onto his bed.

-“P-padfoot! What are you doing?”- He asked flustered.

Sirius snuggled closer to Remus, resting his head on the latter’s chest and Remus stopped breathing all together.

-“I’m sorry for worrying you.”- He said ever so gently.

-“I-it’s fine. A-are you o-okay?”- Sirius shook his head.

-“No questions.”- He whispered, grabbing Remus’ shirt and gripping it tightly. Remus gulped and nodded, wrapping his arms gently around Sirius.

James woke them both a few hours later.

-“Good Morning, lovebirds! Rise and shine!”- James said happily.

-“Ugh, go away.”- Sirius said, still on Remus chest.

-“Pads, get up.”- Remus whispered. Sirius groaned.

-“I hate you, Potter!”- Sirius whined, reluctantly getting up.

-“You love me, Sirius Black-Potter!”- James laughed.

-“You wish!”- Sirius said, rubbing his eyes lazily and yawning.

Remus watched his friends with affection.

-“I swear if you two don’t shut up, I’m going to hex you both.”- Peter groaned from his bed.

They all laughed.

**~•~**

Sirius was pissed.  
He was more than pissed, actually.

Apparently, Remus was seeing someone and didn’t want to tell anyone.

-“But why not?”- Sirius asked, frustratedly.

-“You wouldn’t understand!”- Remus told him, equally frustrated.

James gently placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder as a warning.

-“Course I bloody won’t if you don’t explain!”- Sirius said, ignoring James’ hand.

-“Sirius, let him be.”- James interjected, but it was too late.

-“I...I like boys, okay!? I’m seeing a bloke! Is that what you wanted to hear!?”- Remus said and stormed out. Sirius paled.

He turned to face James and Peter.

-“I..”-

-“I told you to let him be, Sirius.”- James said disappointed and stormed out as well. Peter quietly made his way to his bed and closed the curtains.

Sirius was still thinking of how to apologise to Remus when Snape caught him alone in the halls.

-“Well, Well. If it isn’t Sirius Black. It _is_ Black, right? Oh, I had forgotten! You were _disowned_.”- Snape said cruelly.

-“You piece of..”-

-“Sectumsempra!”- Snape casted.

 _Slash. Slash_.

Right on Sirius’ chest. Snape forgot his anger and paled when Sirius’ unconscious body dropped to the ground.

-“Oh shit.”-

Not knowing what to do, he ran off. Sirius regained his consciousness soon after and, as he could, he stood up and barely made it to the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey gasped in horror and immediately started treating Sirius’ injuries.

 _He’s gonna pay for that one_. Sirius thought before falling unconscious again.

He made Poppy swear that she wouldn’t tell anyone that he had been injured. Not even McGonagall.

After a day at the Hospital Wing, he was allowed to leave.

-“Where have you been? It’s been almost two days!”- James exclaimed frantically. Sirius shrugged tiredly, not wanting to deal with anyone at the moment, and went directly to his bed, closing the curtains.

He didn’t go to Remus’ bed the night, too busy plotting his revenge.

**~•~**

Snape was getting extremely suspicious about Remus’ furry little problem, giving Sirius an idea.

The day of the full moon came and Remus was tired.

-“Where is he, James? It’s almost time!”- Remus asked worriedly. Sirius was never late.

-“I’ll go fetch him real quick. Be right back, Moony!”- James said, running out of the Shrieking Shack.

To his surprise, the Whomping Willow was still.  
Snape had somehow gotten to it.

-“Sni..-Snape?”- James was utterly confused.

-“Move, Potter. I’m gonna solve this one way or another.”- Snape said firmly.

Behind him, Sirius was stifling a laugh.

James went ballistic.

-“YOU BROUGHT HIM HERE!? DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THIS IS!?”- James screamed. Sirius laughter dissolved.

-“Come on, Potter. He just wanted to have some fun and solve the mystery, didn’t you Snivellus?”- Snape glared at him, entering to the passageway.

-“If anything happens tonight, it’ll all be your fault. You really _are_ _a Black_.”- James said low and dangerously, venom contained in each word. James stared at him for a few more seconds before running behind Snape.

Only then did Sirius realised: he had royally fucked up.

**~•~**

It had been a month since the incident and none of his friends were talking to him. He hadn’t gone to Remus’ full moon this time, not wanting to disturb the werewolf even more.

Madam Pomfrey was worried. Sirius look paler, thinner, and more tired.  
He was always alone nowadays and barely spoke.

She was healing Remus’ injuries but couldn’t stop thinking about the other Marauder.

-“Sirius hasn’t come today.”- She commented quietly. Remus hummed.

-“I don’t think he will, you know, with what happened last time.”- Remus told her bitterly. McGonagall and Poppy knew. McGonagall had given him detention for the rest of the year. Poppy sighed.

-“He made me promise, but I think you should know. I’m not excusing him because what he did was inexcusable, but Severus hexed him before your incident.”- Poppy revealed.

-“So?”- Remus said, disinterested.

 _Serves him right_. He thought.

-“I don’t know what spell he did, but..-it was awful. I had never seen something like that. He now has two, big scars on his chest as a result of that.”- She told him.

-“Why didn’t he tell us?”- Remus wondered out loud.

-“I wish I knew, Remus.”

Remus convinced Poppy to let him rest in his room, but Remus was restless. He couldn’t stop thinking about Sirius.

He unconsciously watched him that week. Sirius woke up earlier than everyone and left the room as quietly as possible; he skipped meals or never ate at the Great Hall; he came back to their dorm very late.

After a week of watching him, Remus decided that he had had enough. He was furious at Sirius, but that didn’t take away the fact that Remus still cared for him. Even if Sirius had stopped taking care of himself.

On Sunday night, Sirius returned early to the dorm.  
James was working in a Transfiguration’s essay with Peter, discussing ideas and Remus was reading on his bed (popping his opinion about the essay when required).

They all stopped talking when Sirius came in. They all watched him and Sirius stumbled uncomfortably towards his trunk.

-“I...I, I just...book, yeah..”- he mumbled incoherently. Remus sighed, closing his book.

-“Sirius, a word. _Alone_.”- Remus said firmly, even though he was panicking on the inside. Sirius dropped the book he was holding.

-“I um..yeah, okay.”-

-“Come on, Pete. Let’s finish this in the common room.”- James told Peter gently. Peter nodded profusely and both of them quickly went downstairs.

After casting a Muffliato, Remus sighed and turned to Sirius,  
-“Explain.”-

And Sirius did.  
He explained it all.

-“I am sorry, Remus. I really am. I am in no way excusing myself for what I did. I understand I fucked it up..”-

-“You did.”- Remus interrupted.

-“And I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore.”-

-“That would be enough punishment.”- Remus reasoned.

-“So, I guess I’ll just..-I’ll leave you alone.”- Sirius said, head low.  
Remus stepped closer. Sirius instinctively stepped backwards.

-“Sirius.”- Sirius recoiled,  
-“You have one chance. Only one, Sirius Black-Potter. Don’t screw it up.”- Remus told him.

Sirius’ head snapped up, eyes watering.

-“Are you serious?”-

-“No, you are.”- Remus answered flatly. Sirius laughed, big, bright, and relieved. Tears were flowing freely and Remus couldn’t help but smile.

-“C’mere.”- Sirius automatically moved towards Remus and the latter embraced him in a hug.

-“It’s time to take care of yourself, Sirius.”- Remus whispered, stroking Sirius’s hair gently. Sirius hugged Remus tighter and sobbed harder.

-“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”- He repeated again and again.

-“I know, I know.”- Remus repeated back.

**~•~**

-“The past is in the past.”- was the only thing Remus said. James and Peter nodded,  
-“Now, you two. Talk.”- Remus ordered, pushing Sirius towards James.

James went to his bed and Sirius followed quietly. Casting a silencing spell, James waited for Sirius to explain. After he did, he showed James his scars.

James gasped in horror.

-“S-sirius...”-

Sirius had lost too much weight, making the scars look more pronounced. His ribs were very noticeable and he had bruises all over his body. James cried. How did he let that happen?  
Sure, he was furious at Sirius but he was his _brother_. It was his job to take care of him.

-“I’m sorry.”- James sobbed. Sirius stared at him in confusion,  
-“I didn’t take care of you. You’re my brother and I let this happen to you because I was angry. I’m so sorry.”-

-“Prongs..”- Sirius hugged James,  
-“I’m the one who needs to apologise.”-

-“I should’ve been there.”-

-“You’re here now.”- Sirius whispered. James nodded awkwardly against him.

That night, the Potters slept together, hugging each other tightly. No force on earth could’ve separated them.

**~•~**

Sirius didn’t know what had changed exactly. He couldn’t quite pinpoint when or how. He knew he _loved_ Remus. He always had.  
But recently, his feelings were changing. _Growing_.

Every time he saw Remus, his heart fluttered.

It didn’t help at all that Remus was beautiful. Undeniably beautiful.

-“I think I like Moony.”- He told James one day, when they were heading to a Quidditch match against Slytherin.

James laughed.

-“Don’t we all?”-

-“No, no. I mean..I _like_ Remus. As in, romantically.”- Sirius said. James’ eyes widened.

-“ _Oh_. OH.”- James said.

-“You’re okay with it?”- Sirius asked shyly. James scoffed, offended.

-“Of course I’m okay with it, you twat. As long as you’re not a prat and hurt him.”- James told him.

-“I learned my lesson.”- Sirius told him gravely. James hugged his brother.

-“I love you as you are. But if I lose this game because of you, I’m gonna kill you.”-

They won the game.  
Everyone cheered loudly (asides from the Slytherins, of course.)  
Evans finally kissed James and everyone cheered even more. Sirius looked for Moony everywhere until he finally found him reading in their dorm.

-“What are you doing in here? Everyone’s downstairs!”- Sirius said, breathlessly. Remus looked up and smiled at him.

-“Congratulate James for me.”- He said earnestly. Sirius heart bubbled.  
He _loved_ Remus. He really did.

-“I like you.”- he blurted before he could stop himself. He gasped in horror and realisation,  
-“Moony, I’m so sorry I..”-

-“You like me?”- Remus asked incredulously.

-“I..Of course I do.”- Sirius answered firmly.

-“As in _like_ , _like_?”- Remus asked.

-“As in like, _like_ Moony.”- Sirius smiled.

-“Why? What’s there to like about me?”- Remus had stood up. Sirius walked closer to Remus.

-“What’s there _not_ to like about you?”- He asked softly.

-“You’re Sirius Black! You literally could have anyone you wanted and you’re choosing me?”- Remus could not believe it. It wasn’t possible. He was dreaming. His everlasting crush was declaring to him. _Yup, it was definitely a dream_. But it wasn't.

-“Is that so hard to believe?”-

-“Look at me, Sirius! Do you know what I am?”- Remus asked frustratedly. Sirius deserved so much better.

Sirius shrugged, gently cupping Remus’ face with his hands.

-“You’re my Moony.”-

Sirius stood on his tiptoes and then, they were kissing.

**~T H E E N D~**


End file.
